Sexual Violence & Domestic Terrorism

I'm currently attending the very first week of intensive courses and lectures for my doctoral degree at United Theological Seminary. The theme for the week is Domestic Violence and Human Trafficking. I've been cringing as I've heard some of the stats that the preachers and lecturers have shared. Here's just a few:

• 1 in 3 women have suffered domestic abuse
• 12-27 million people victimized in the human-trafficking trade will never gain their freedom.
• The NFL's annual Super Bowl is the US event with the highest rate of human trafficking incidents.

There have been at least three presentations concerning a specific story taken from Judges 19. There isn't adequate space here to give a full explication of the story. My recommendation is that you click here and read it in its entirety. Be sure to focus on verses 22-30.

After reading this text again and hearing the presentations, I am brimming with questions and issues to explore.  I'll do my best to simplify my musings with 3 observations.

Observation #1: The Bible specifies that the men who came to the house were "wicked" and "vile," yet, to me, the old man seems to bear the greater guilt because he offered to throw his virgin daughter and his guest's concubine to the townsmen. The old man then represents the people who benefit most from human trafficking (pimps, corporations, and other people in power), by offering the "services" of the powerless for sake of their own economic, political, and social advancement.

Observation #2: The townsmen never requested the "use" of the woman, but they took advantage of this consolation prize anyway. They were relentless and vicious in their abuse against her despite the fact that they had no interest in her at all. I think the situation illustrates the psychosis behind violence and sexual perversion. People who will commit these "senseless acts of violence"are obviously in a state of mental and emotional imbalance where reason and morality are not primary sources of survival.  This is terrorism...when "hurt people, hurt people."

Observation #3: There is no relief for the girl and technically no justice for the crimes committed against her. In the following chapter, revenge is taken, but the old man who initiated her attack is never held acountable. It speaks to the issue of classicism, racism, chauvinism, and the like. She is taken advantage  of because (as a lowly concubine), she's not even an official wife. She's a maid/servant that comes with fringe benefits. She's never even named in the text. She's faceless and nameless and thus meaningless.

God help us to (1) refuse to perpetuate the violence against the ones in our care, (2) identify dangerous methods of thinking and managing life's challenges, and then to (3) recognize the value of every individual and commit to loving and caring for them.

Down Time

I think I had a 1-day flu or something. Tuesday
I felt terrible, but today, I'm whole lot better. 

For the past couple days I've been forced to stay home with some some sort of virus. Achy like the flu, congested and stuffy, you know...the works. I'm sure that part of the reason why I crashed was because I was burning the candle at both ends; starting early in the morning and getting done late at night. It's just not a recipe for good health. Nevertheless, I was forced to go home, go to bed early, and get some rest. I'm feeling a lot better today, but I know that this is a recovery day, not the time to go head-long back in to all-out office time.

Being down has made me think about people who are down emotionally, spiritually. What do you do when you're down? Being down forces you to take inventory and assess where you are and why. But being down is also a good time to take action, and handle some personal business. There are some things that you've been putting off or even ignoring that really need to be done.

Here's what I need to do.

1. School starts in just a few days, and I've been putting off filling out these financial aid forms and scholarship applications. I need money for school, and I'm way behind.
2. I gotta clean this house. My wife gave me specific instructions before she left for the inauguration and she'll be back in a few days too. There's no way I'm gonna let her see this mess.
3. I need to finish this post...and I'm actually supposed to be working on book #4 right now. My editor is waiting.

There so much that I need to, but how about you? What are you gonna do with your down time? 

Make a list of those things that you've been putting
off. Then commit yourself to tackling them one by one.

Now that you have a little time off from work, this is a good time to get it done. House repairs? Read that new book? Look for another job? You've been taking care of your mom for years, don't you think this is a good time to go back to school now that she's passed away? You spent your whole life caring for your kids and now they're gone, don't you think it's a good time to do something to refill your cup (Hi Mom!). You're on house arrest for a really stupid decision, well then maybe now is a good time to start building a new circle of friends and new habits. You just had a really nasty break-up. You thought this one was "the one," but apparently not. Maybe now's a good time to become "the right one" rather than resume the search to find "the right one."

The clock's ticking. Down time doesn't last forever. How will you spend yours?

The Prison Pajamas of Hate

I just had the privilege of watching The Boy in the Striped Pajamas and I am almost speechless...almost.  The film is set in the midst of Hitler's Germany during WWII. The main character is an eight year-old boy, Bruno whose father is the commanding officer of a concentration camp. We are granted to to view the situation through the eyes of innocent little Bruno as he tries to make sense of this very terribly confusing ordeal. I watched the movie with a group of pastors seeking to utilize the film as a springboard for a discussion on the ethics and theological themes that are represented. There are numerous powerful concepts. I couldn't possibly exhaust them all here. Nevertheless, here are a few:

Loss
Everybody loses in this film. I will be careful not to spoil the plot, but there is a whole lot of loss throughout. Loss of life, identity, homeland, freedom, family, friendship, etc. However, one of the primary losses is Bruno's loss of innocence. Poor little Bruno has to grapple with the conflict between the heroism he expects from his father, and the fact that his father is responsible for this morally depraved situation he's witnessing.

Dehumanization
I am reminded of Mrs. Krauer's 12th grade literature class wherein she made us read Elie Wiesel's Night. I remember writing a term paper for the class which required us to discuss how Wiesel deals with this concept of dehumanization.  Striped Pajamas makes this concept crystal clear. Simply put, the Germans thought the Jews were scum. I think "filthy worthless vermin" was the specific phrase that was employed. If you are anything less than a human being, then there is no need for restraint against the despicable things I might do to you.

Imprisonment
Hate imprisons us. And this is where it gets really sad b/c the true prisoners in the movie are the Germans. They are the ones who are mentally enslaved by propaganda and public opinion. They are the ones who are locked in their own home; unable to relate and reach out to the world around them. They are the ones who are not free to love, listen, and learn from others. And although he is a "free" German, Bruno is actually the boy in the striped pajamas...of hate.

There is so much more in the film, but I suppose the most beneficial word I can say about it is...watch it! After watching it myself, I am definitely impressed to love more deeply and freely. I see again the depth of the destructive power of bigotry and racism. I see the the power of friendship and forgiveness. I am convinced to shed the prison pajamas of hate.

During our discussion, one of the pastors shared a story of his terrible upbringing and the hate that he harbored in his heart toward his family because of it. He said he was suffering with cancer and ulcers that he was told was killing him. In part of the process of preparing to die, he went to make amends and apologize to a number of his relatives. He did and shortly thereafter he went back to the doctor and found that his ulcers were all gone. And years later, he's still living, cancer appears to be in remission, and health seems to be under control. Hate kills, but love sets the captives free.

Ministry to the Depressed

Over the past year I've done a ton of speaking, preaching, teaching, and writing about grief, suffering, and hardship. I did not choose this; it chose me. I had a member commit suicide in September of 2010. Then, in January of 2011 my father committed suicide. One year later, I travelled back to visit the family and celebrate survival and recovery, only to find that my dad's brother had committed suicide. So in January of 2012, they held the funeral; almost exactly a year to the day of my father's funeral. I started speaking out about suicide and depression, and every time I did I'd get more and more people coming to me to tell me their stories.

People are hurting, broken, wounded, and grappling for some semblance of help and hope. It can truly be overwhelming.  Shepherding is difficult enough when the sheep are healthy, it's nearly impossible when the sheep aren't well. It's terribly difficult to lead the flock to green pastures when many of them are crippled by depression and despair. Thus, I have learned, It's very important that the minister  does not become consumed with sickness and despondency.

I'll assume that as a minister, you sincerely care for those who hurt, and that you seek God in prayer for their prosperity. Yet, here are three simple keys to effective ministry to the depressed.

1. Provide specific life-work assignments.
2. Urge them to seek professional help.
3. DO NOT enable.

Now that you have the general idea of the keys, let's go back and take a bit of a closer look at each of them. 

1. Provide specific life-work assignments.

Depressed people are blinded by circumstance and drained dry of energy. They need encouragement and direction. Litter your counsel with bible promises and encouragement, but be specific and intentional about coaching them towards specific projects and goals. Pain, loss, grief, and suffering is transition time, and transition time is the perfect time to start a ministry, write a book, go back to school, and just do something new and different. Without specific goals and objectives things continue to fester and spoil. They have to get up, get out, and do something.

2. Urge them to seek professional help.

Often times the depression and hardship is so severe that not even the most charismatic character can encourage them. They need an environment and professional that is geared and trained to deal with these types of issues...and you are NOT it. Look for warning signs (i.e. suicide-speak, excessive drinking/drug use, etc.) that they need professional therapeutic care and do not hesitate to refer them. You are not God. Don't try to play hero with people's fragile lives.

3. Do NOT enable.

I recently heard an SDA chaplain say that God is extremely co-dependent. I wondered what made him say that. I'll ask him later. However, If it just so happened that God ever actually did become co-dependent...I'm sure it's because He can handle it. We can't. We cannot enable others because of our own insecurities and weakness. If a person refuses to pursue their goals, and they refuse to seek out help, then I for sure cannot help them. I must move on to those sheep who relish the leading of the shepherd.

There it is. Do this, and you will pour new life into the broken bodies of many ailing souls. There is no shortage of depressed people, but there is also no shortage of divine grace and power that can lift the weakest believer out of the doldrums of depression, despondency, and despair. For that's what he does. "He heals the brokenhearted and he binds up their wounds" (Ps. 147:3).

Endure the Pain; Cherish the Treasure (Growth Maxims Pt.3/Final)

Doing flows from being, and being flows from thinking.
"For as a man thinks in his heart so is he."  

A couple weeks ago I set out to answer this question about what to do when you're going through. I recognize that people need tools they can use and not simply platitudes and quips. Nevertheless, I also recognize that a great deal of what a person does flows from who he/she actually is. In other words, doing flows from being, and being flows from thinking. So, correct action flows from correct reflection. Therefore the first order of business when I'm "going through it" is to get my mind right. "For as a man thinks in his heart so is he" (Prov. 23:7). This is why I started this series about "Growth Maxims for Grieving." The goal is that we would first establish a philosophical framework (or mindset) for growth in the midst of hardship. So be sure to read my last post wherein I tried to really flesh out the first to maxims. Here we'll take a closer look at the last two. This is where it get's a little moe challenging. The third key is to endure the pain, and then the fourth and final key is to cherish the matchless treasure.

3. God's grace is more powerful than my pain.

Pain offers us perspective into the power
of God and His providence in our lives.

I have never been very fond of pain. I think I do have a pretty high threshold for pain. However, I do not enjoy or relish painful experiences. Fact is, I dont know anyone who does. There are those masochists and I suppose some others who do. Yet, in my opinion, no mentally and emotionally balanced person enjoys pain. Now I know a few bodybuilders and football players who seem to welcome pain because of the end-game of having endured it.  But, even with them, it is generally not the pain they enjoy, but rather the muscles that develop and the trophies that are won after having endured pain. The fact still stands, painful experiences are not desirable or fun. But I have learned that pain does offer great perspective. That if we are attentive in painful experiences, God's voice illuminates the points of power and providence that are vivid and radiant.

2 Corinthians 12 provides for us a very familiar case study toward this truth.  Paul is recounting an experience where God allowed him to suffer under a painful physical ailment. We don't have space here to explore this fully. But I want to highlight a portion of God's response. Paul said he prayed for relief from the pain multiple times, but in verse 9, God simply responds, "My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, my power is made perfect in you" (2 Cor. 12:9a). Notice how God says, my power is made perfect in you. In other words:

Grace = DIVINE POWER + human weakness 

God's grace is made manifest through His divine power shining through us when we need it most. I was speaking to a good friend just this morning about an issue he's been dealing with for a couple months now. He was working on a big contract and the other party practically cheated im out of over $10,000.00. This whole thing stinks because he was counting on that contract to carry him through the season. However, in the midst of trying to recalibrate during this financial dry season, he calls his car loan company and finds out that because they've been paying extra on their car bill their ahead two whole payments and don't need to pay right now. That's grace. God always gives strength when an where we need it most.

4. God is the most precious possession. 

The more we circle through these types of cycles, the more we find that one thing is constant. I'm not always strong, but God always is. I don' always have the answers, but God always does. I don't always have the resources, but God always does. So what I need more than anything is God. God is truly the pearl of great price (see Matt. 13:45-47). He is the matchless treasure. He is my most precious possession. It reminds me of that gospel song Vickie Winans sang, "As long I got King Jesus I don't need nobody else."

I don't necessarily ascribe to all the ideas in the song, however, the general premise is true. God is the most precious possession and faithful friend one can have. No one likes pain. And no one likes to lose (that is people or possessions). But the reality is, nothing in this life lasts forever. If you live, you will love, and when you love, you will lose. But the eternal God will never leave us nor forsake us (see Heb. 13:5). The grass whithers and the flower fades, but the word of the Lord stands forever (see Is. 40:8). As long as you've got God, you're on the winning team. The score board might not reflect it right now, but trust me, we're gonna win.