1bit·ter
adjective \ˈbi-tər\
2: marked by intensity or severity:
a : accompanied by severe pain or suffering <a bitterdeath>b : being relentlessly determined : vehement <a bitterpartisan>c : exhibiting intense animosity <bitter enemies>d (1) : harshly reproachful <bitter complaints> (2) : marked by cynicism and rancor <bitter contempt>
Bitterness is powerful. The images in the definitions are so sharp: relentless vehemence? Intense animosity? Harsh reproach? Cynicism and rancor?
Wow!
I think it's safe to say that anger has the potential to become totally consuming to the point that a person might express vehemence and rancor. If left unchecked, the passion and energy of anger will boil over sooner or later because bitterness is the end-game of anger. It's deeply hazardous to your health.
It makes me think of the story of Naomi and Ruth. There is an iconic verse that I think encapsulates the emotional state that Naomi is after sustaining the traumatic loss of her husbands and sons.
“Don’t call me Naomi,” she told them. “Call me Mara, because the Almighty has made my life very bitter (Ruth 1:20 NIV).
There are no words to fully describe the depth of pain that she is experiencing in this moment. Nevertheless, her words give us insight into inner-workings of bitterness. When considering Naomi's situation there are three simple concepts that I think will help us to avoid bitterness.
Here they are. Naomi was bitter because:
- She chose to be.
- She had become irrational.
- She saw no end to her pain.
That's it. Very simple, yet very profound.
1. Naomi was bitter because she chose to be.
When she returns to her hometown she says to her countrymen "Don't call me Naomi." This is a pivotal moment. I have always loved the name Naomi. I used to say if I ever have a daughter I'm going to name her Naomi. It's such a beautiful name, and as it turns out, that's exactly what it means--Beautiful. Beautiful, pleasant, delightful. It is here that she divorces herself from pleasantness and beauty and chooses a name with a completely different meaning; Mara--bitter. she adopts bitterness and determines that it is the best illustration for who she is as a person. She chose to be bitter. When someone wrongs you be careful not to let it define you. Choose to maintain a pleasant and beautiful disposition.
2. Naomi was bitter because she had become irrational.
She told the people to call her Bitter and in the very next verse her reasoning really starts to manifest some serious distortions. "I went away full, but the Lord has brought me back empty. Why call me Naomi? The Lord has afflicted me; the Almighty has brought misfortune upon me" (Ruth 1:21 NIV). I am bound by my theological training to tell you that in those days (amongst the Jews) it was a commonly held belief that misfortune is the result of God's displeasure. However, there were numerous images and sources that were indicative of God's love and grace (i.e. the sun, rainbow). Nevertheless, Naomi does not draw from these images. In her mind, God is now her enemy, rather than her Father. She chooses to see God as vindictive and evil (another poor choice). She doesn't see how in the place of her sons God has given her two loving daughters who determine to commit themselves to her; and one in particular that vows that only death will separate them. She is blinded by her anger, misdirected by poor choices, and thus, her entire worldview is mixed up. Anger consumes us to the point where we don't see straight and reason logically. Take time to reflect on what you are sure of and what you have despite what happened to you or what was taken from you.
3. Naomi was bitter because she saw no end to her pain.
She had signaled this at the end of verse 13 when she said, "It is more bitter for me than for you, because the Lord’s hand has turned against me" (Ruth 1:13b NIV). She urges her son's widows to move on with their lives. She reasons that they are still young and can remarry and have children, but as for her, her future is bleak. There are no positive prospects or opportunities. Nothing good will ever happen to her again. God has completely turned His back on her. There is no hope. When I first moved to the north I loved to see the snow. It only takes a few snow storms for the novelty of snow to wear off. When there is lots of snow the salt trucks and snow plows can only do so much. After a while there's nowhere to put all the snow. You see it piled up in giant mounds at stop signs and in parking lots. But I love it that the sun always comes out right when we can't take it anymore. The clouds drift away and the snow-season sunshine slowly melts the snow away. No matter how bad it hurts, or how much it piles up, it won't hurt like that forever. I will get better. I will heal. Trouble won't last always.
Naomi is steeped in anger that spins her in a sickening cycle of stinking thinking and bad decisions. Forgiveness is necessary because otherwise, my thought-life becomes a putrid cesspool of toxic ideas and emotions. "Let go of bitter and grab hold of better."
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