Forgiveness

I mentioned in my first post that our church had just released a documentary called Good Grief.  As a matter of fact, we produced it in conjunction with a 10-session series we did (by the same title) to explore the grieving process.  There were a couple of the stories in the film that caught my attention.

I'm certain that no one I know would want to trade places with her.  Nevertheless, there are many who share a similar experience.  A little later in the video, Lynn (along with another one of the featured interviewees) goes on to tell how learning to forgive was a major turning in the healing process.

It made me consider my personal struggle with forgiveness.  I'd like to think of myself as a very forgiving person.  Yet, I'd have to admit that those people who have caused or attempted to cause me serious harm have often been the target of some of my most heinous non-christian, un-christ-like, and ungodly thoughts.

For some reason, I'm not at all ashamed to admit that.

So yes, there it is.  The pastor has a hit list.  I've tried many times to throw it away, but I miss the trash can...and then resolve to pick it up and unravel it. I may need it one day...maybe.

Seriously though, I've had some really bad stuff happen to me over the course of my short life. I've been abandoned, abused, neglected, rejected, jumped and beat up, dumped, cheated on, lied to, lied on, misrepresented, undervalued, and under-appreciated...in a nutshell.  And I remember each situation and circumstances surrounding them as vividly as if they had all happened over the past 48 hours.

I'm not really ready to forgive. I know I should, but I don't know how.  I obviously need to give this some more thought.

Meanwhile, y'all pray for me.