rec·i·proc·i·ty
[res-uh-pros-i-tee]
noun
1.
2.
3.
the relation or policy in commercial dealings between countries by which corresponding advantages or privileges are granted by each country to the citizens of the other.
The term is most often used in the context of conversation involving policies and law, yet the general concept is very simple and basic. The 2nd definition brings this concept to the surface. Very simple; "mutual exchange." It's a matter of relationship; wherein two parties agree to give and receive equally. This is the general basis of relationships. Two people agree (either formally or informally) on this basic principle.
On the other hand, it is the very same concept that often undergirds our mistreatment of others. Mommy asks little Johnny why he hit his brother, and little Johnny replies...??? You know it. "He hit me first!!!" We normally and naturally reciprocate mistreatment and ill-will as well as goodwill and favors.
This is why forgiveness is so difficult. There is an unspoken commitment to reciprocity that guides all of our relationships. If a person wrongs us we determine to wrong them, and if by no other means, then by simply disassociating ourselves with them. We are committed to making sure people "get what they deserve."
But here's where I'm challenged most. If you'll remember in my first post about forgiveness, I talked about all the bad things that have happened to me. However, the more I think about it, I realize that though I have been on the receiving end many times, I have been on the giving end just as many times. In other words, I have quite a number of people on my hit list but then I'm sure that there are (at least some) people that have me on their hit list just the same.
I vividly remember being the one doing the very things that I mentioned I hate so much that were done to me. And that's the problem. I didn't really mean it. I mean, I'm not an evil person. I'm a good guy. Good-natured, friendly, caring and considerate, funny, trustworthy, supportive, giving...(and might I say) good-looking! Seriously though, everybody sees themselves this way. In our own minds, we all are good people and we don't mean any harm.
Nevertheless, we have bad days, and we make bad decisions. At least, I'll speak for myself. I can think about some of the most terrible things that I've done and truthfully say I really didn't intend to cause any harm. Now I can already hear the people saying, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. Blah, blah blah." "The road to hell is paved with good intentions." "Just because you mean well, that doesn't excuse your bad behavior."
Point well taken. I believe all of that. Nevertheless, I'm also thoroughly convinced that I (just like everybody else) am a work-in-progress. And even though I didn't get it right this time, I will get it right one day. And I hope you will be around to see it. In other words, yes, I realize that I stepped on your toes, and that it hurt. I'm truly sorry. Please be patient with me while I'm learning how to dance. One day we'll dance...together.
So whereas I desire people to be patient and forgiving of me where I have made mistakes and missteps, I recognize the need to reciprocate that same patience and forgiveness while they learn how to dance too.
I know this is hard. I'm living it too. But boy I know how much I need forgiveness...from people and from God.
btw, for a biblical illustration of this concept, check out Matthew 18:21-35. If you don't have time, just watch the cartoon version right here:
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